Okay, this is a break in the writerly / publicity posts. This is just me talking about something personal. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life. Depression turns out to be easier for me to deal with, I just sleep more or lose myself in a book, become someone else for awhile.
Wouldn’t it be great to be someone else, just for a day? Their problems aren’t yours. You won’t have to worry about that oil change you’ve missed for weeks now, or that awkward social event coming up. Or feel guilty for being behind on work or promised projects or for not blogging enough or for wanting to just blow off EVERYTHING and crawl back under the covers. Maybe peer out enough to watch a Doctor Who Marathon. Doctor Who makes it all better, right?
I know I’m not alone in this, and when I do summon the guts to ask for help, people surprise me. People I don’t hear from often appear out of nowhere to say nice things and express concern and offer hugs. Even virtual hugs help more than most people realize. Being thought of, being sought out, without me having to ask for attention or time, means so much to me. Being missed, being thought of, these are huge to me, and make me feel loved more than any other words.
So thank you to my friends for sticking with me through being clingy and sad and paranoid and panicky. Thank you for still thinking I’m worthwhile. I need you all, and I hope the love I give you makes it all worth it.
E. Chris Garrison 
Rather than just wallow, my attempts to dig out this time are, so far…
– Hug from Amy before work
– Vent to my brother
– Annoy friends with my whining posts
– Put on a playlist made for just such an occasion
I finally had to go on medication. It doesn’t make the depression and anxiety go away, but it takes the worst of the chemical part of it off-line so I can function.
Best coping mechanism supplied by a therapist: Deliberately focus on the little things that give me joy and comfort. Colors. Blue-tailed lizards. The smell of evergreens. My cat. Cooking things other people really really enjoy.
Best coping mechanism not supplied by a therapist: Chocolate.
You rock, Thanks for sharing.
Here’s hoping you feel better!
One thing I’ve found helps me is gardening. Being outside in the sun helps lift your spirits and combat seasonal depression, you can leave it alone for days at a time without worrying about it, and there’s something wonderfully enheartening about walking into your yard and seeing that those itty bitty seeds you planted have come to life.
I’m not sure what your living situation is– if you’ve got a yard, or even space for a window box– but I thought I’d share.
While I’ve never suffered from clinical depression, several close family members have and you are right, reaching out and having those close to you can be a great help. This post is a wonderful example of shining a light on a personal problem and seeing the support reflected back. It takes courage to talk about anxiety and depression (standing ovation clap)
Thanks, everyone. Reaching out DID help a lot over the past few days. I’m determined to pull out of this soon. I appreciate the positive comments and encouragement very much.
I also hope that others who fight anxiety and depression might feel a little less alone if they see this.